'The Zoolander - Hansel Complex' and other new Psychological phenomina

Cause and effect, action reaction; these relationships seem to refer, only, to objects in the physical world. It would seem ridiculous to claim that the way we feel, and therefor act, can be predicted in similar ways...but this is not actually true. People are not that different from planks. If it is flicking up and hitting you in the face it is probably because someone has stood on the other end. If it is groaning and sagging it probably has too much weight on a certain point. If it is hard to move it probably has a nail holding it back somewhere. If you take the time to investigate, you will always find that people who are behaving in unpleasant ways are just the same. They aren’t just ‘bad’ or evil for some mysterious reason. There will be a cause for their behaviour which can be dealt with.

You calling me a plank!? I have free choice don't I?

You do. You might be surprised at how predictable our choices often are but we are a little more advanced than planks. The variable that allows us to control and filter our responses to stimuli better than planks can is our level of Emotional Intelligence. The less you have, the more like a plank you are. High levels of Emotional Intelligence have been shown to result in healthy relationships, happy families and success at work. Reckon it's worth knowing what EQ is?

The ability to recognize and control emotions in yourself and in other people (paraphrased from Goleman).

So EQ is made up of awareness and control, recognition and regulation, and it has to do with myself and others, personal and social.

 

Self Awareness:
It all starts with taking a good long honest look in the mirror. If you are to understand, and ultimately control, your own emotions you will need to look carefully at what causes them. What makes you frustrated, angry, impatient, insecure...what turns you off. And similarly; what turns you on? What makes you behave in the ways you wish you always behaved? What are you really good at and under what circumstances are you best at it? A mature person doesn’t have the luxury of being moody or having good days and bad days. You can’t just be tossed around on an ocean of emotions that you can’t predict or control. You have to start understanding yourself so that you can control your reactions and become less like a plank which is powerless against cause and effect.

Self Management:
Almost every poor behaviour, or lack of it, comes from a root of insecurity (sometimes disguised as arrogance or pride), greed (sometimes disguised as competitiveness or good taste) and laziness or fear of change (sometimes disguised as the wisdom of experience or a lack of greed).

Emotion is the fuel that drives our behaviours, no matter how rationally we chose them. Once you have identified the roots of your emotions you have the tools to manage your behaviour. It is now possible to strive to meet higher standards than those set for us, to use your initiative and to choose optimism in the face of scepticism. It is now possible to initiate change in your own life and be pro-active not re-active, to break the cycle of cause and effect... to stop being a plank.

It must also be obvious that these personal competencies are critical if you hope to lead others and, if you have them in abundance, almost guarantee that others will already be following you. Now how does one use the same combination of awareness and control through actions when dealing with the emotions of others?

Social Awareness:

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

 

Empathy is the central competency in Social Awareness. It is normaly described as imagining you were in someone else's 'shoes'. Unfortunately this is too simplistic. A person is looking tired and sad and is sitting alone at a braai. If I put myself in their shoes I would imagine needing someone to pull me into conversation with a bunch of other people, get me laughing with a joke and then rip me off for taking myself so seriously.  But I am an extrovert, and have plenty of fun when I’m the centre of attention, so this would energise me, what if the person I have noticed is an introvert who is exhausted from all the socializing and really wants someone to take them somewhere quiet for a ‘real’ conversation. I need to work out what it is like for that  person to be in their shoes not what it would be like for me.
Being sensitive to the needs of individuals is only part of social awareness. The other part is recognising the dynamics of the group, this is called organizational awareness. People have all sorts of different needs and when you put them all together very interesting things will happen. I need to realise who holds the power in the group and who is being marginalised etc. if I am to fully understand the needs of the people in that group. Once you know how all the ‘planks are connected, through organizational awareness, and what the pressures on each plank are, through empathy, you will be able manage the behaviour of those planks much better.

Relationship Management:
This is where you can begin to be a puppet master and get the best out of your team. No matter how bad a person may seem, there is always a root cause for their behaviour once you have found it you can attempt to satisfy that need through reassurance, attention, firm boundaries, inspiration etc. and then begin to lead them towards the place you want them to go. Sometimes you need to show them that doing what you want them to do will satisfy a need that they have. Perhaps you need to develop their skills or inspire them like a fearless hero. Sometimes you need to take a high moral stand or use sheer force of character to inspire them to follow you. Perhaps you need to be the catalyst in the group  for the change you realise they need or be the mediator that resolves conflict and gets them working together again. In all things the Emotionaly Intelligent leader should be looking for the strings he or she can pull in order to get the best out of each individual in their team.

At Spirit of Adventure we meet plenty of people who test our ability to Empathise well. Children are especially good examples because they are so instinctive in the way they act, not subscribing to social norms as much. These are some classic examples of the characters we meet that need to be handled with E.Q. Here's what I tell the instructors :

The Zoolander – Hansel Complex:
A grade five boy is always playing the fool, boasting, showing off and trying to know more than you. Occasionally challenges you and is rude to the team.
->     He actually idolizes the instructor and just needs your approval so don’t become annoyed and ignore his attention seaking behaviour. Take him aside and reprimand him firmly then get him on ‘your team’ and give him responsibility. Show that you are proud of him when he does well.

 

The sore thumb
A grade seven girl doesn’t say anything, won’t get involved in the group or enter into the fun, she claims to be above it. She won’t risk anything in front of the other kids and they sometimes ridicule her.
->    She doesn’t actually think she is better than everyone else, she is probably the one being teased at school. Don’t make her feel even more vulnerable by treating her differently from everyone else, just keep speaking to her as if you fully expect her to join in. Let your enthusiasm begin to warm her then find a chance to chat. Don’t try to talk about her ‘problem’ just chat about anything she likes. Eventually your repeated invitations will get her to try something and you should congratulate her warmly but sincerely not exaggerating it.

 

The Scary Rebel Leader
A loud and arrogant grade eleven boy who is popular and clearly feels confident in the group. Challenges you openly but from amongst his peers and sees everything as ‘lame’.
->    This character hasn’t been given enough boundaries and has been spoilt all his life. He has also been let down by people in authority and his intelligence allows him to see through any hipocracy in his leaders. Take him on fairly and as an individual. Pull him out of his crowd which gives him confidence and be completely consistant. Never compromise or try to get on his side by becoming friends early on. Once you have ‘won’ the battle try to find a way to get to know him and show that you are interested in him and will be friendly if he is reasonable but the same standards still apply.

 

The Lovergirl
Grade six girls occasionally fall in love with their male instructors. She would start to push boundaries and monopolise your attention, seeking affirmation from you for everything.
->    You can’t afford to entertain this because it will build up and mean that she doesn’t get any real value out of the course. It will also irritate the rest of your team so be kind and gentle but continually distance yourself to an older brother type relationship. Treat her exactly like the rest of the team and patiently ensure that you give as much attention to everyone. She will still need your approval but do your best to deflect her adoration.

So now you know enough to be an istructor. All you need now is the technical stuff like setting up abseils and rescuing kids from capsized boats...you know, the easy stuff.

Until next time

Paul
http://www.psychometric-success.com/emotional-intelligence/emotional-intelligence-in-business.htm      

What you miss out on if your government is worried about health and safety

This is amazing! What's most insane is that he doesn't seem to be clipping into the cable! Just imagine walking this exposed, it'll make your stomach turn to jelly!

I want to try:)

The reason the Spanish are dominating the world of sport must have something to do with the fact that a place like this is allowed to exist in their country. The authorities don't feel it is necessary to prevent the weak or the stupid from killing themselves when trying it, unlike the UK who take the protection of morons very seriously. This can only mean good things for the qaulity of the people who make it to reproductive maturity. Survival of the fittest being allowed to work. Haha!

I guess the South African version can be found next to most of our roads. Just as crumbling and badly maintained with plenty of life-threatening danger all around you! Hence, we are the Rugby world champions:)

What are people thinking some times!?

I am a fairly brand conscious person I must admit. Some brands are just better and others are cooler. Some even manage to combine the two. We get very fastidious and loyal about our brands when it comes to outdoor gear at Spirit of Adventure because hiking, camping and climbing stuff is expensive, looks cool and has to function well for comfort and for safety in a demanding environment. That is why we all hate K-Way. It is the Mr Price Sport of the outdoor world. Generic, unimaginative, cheap, almost everyone has it and it is often annoyingly competitive when compared to much more expensive gear...to start with anyway. So, if I'm honest, we all own more of it than we'd care to admit.

This is why we deliberate for ages before making a purchase and then mock each other relentlessly if a weakness is detected, sometimes even if it isn't. I have recently been very happy with my 'Thermal Comfort' blow up mattress, my La Sportiva hiking boots and I've just recently got an MSR camping stove that promises to be awesome, and it's called the pocket rocket... how can it fail? All very exciting for the hiking nerds among us. The tricky part in all of this is that there is an emotional connection to your gear as well as a practical one. It has to work and one obviously wants the lightest, toughest, warmest, smallest packing, longest wearing item on the planet but you also want it to make you feel good about yourself, as though all that money you spent has been worth it in some way. After all, the " aspirationally outdoor market" (is there a worse category to find yourself in anywhere on the planet?) relies on exactly this self esteem-boosting quality in outdoor gear, and makes Cape Union Mart lots and lots of money. This means that, even for the hardened hiker, your heart sometimes gets in the way of your head when choosing between one outstanding product and another, especially when one has a sexy brand name, is slightly better looking, similar in spec but is much more expensive and the other is, well, a K-Way. What should you do?

All that K-Way embodies

My little Mustang

Here I turn to a story about two of us Spirit of Adventurers who were both buying new cars. We both had similar money to spend. One of us believed the thing should be practical, efficient, reliable and get him from A to B with no fuss. If these are your only considerations there is only one possible car for you in the entire motoring universe; a Toyota Tazz in the best condition your pocket can accommodate. The other of us (me) liked all of the common criteria like reliability and efficiency but was prepared to compromise a little because he wanted if to be beautiful, fast, fun to drive and slightly individualistic. With the same amount of money as the Tazz buyer this was difficult. He (I) had to search long and hard and find some Indian genes from deep within himself in order to sell his previous car for more than it was worth and buy the new one for less than you'd ever find it advertised. The result; a two door, 1.6, top of the range Ford Fiesta with aircon and electric windows, CD player and airbags, with ABS and a sporty wire-mesh grill and big Ford wheels with low profile tires. This is a stomach in chest out kind of a car! Now it is a little less fuel efficient and it costs more to service but it doesn't just get me from A to B, it gets me smiling all the way from A to B and I often go via C just for fun. I'm sure this is adding years to my life and it makes me thankful for my brand snobbery every time I see my pony parked next to the infinitely more practical and sensible K-Way Tazz it shares a parking with.

Is any further argument needed Land Cruizer fans?

Nowhere do motor buyers understand the emotional importance of the brand you buy more than in the 4x4 market. I hope in years to come I can substitute my earlier story with one about a colleague in a boring, intelligent Land Cruizer looking with jealousy at my mud spattered, fire breathing, mountain bashing Land Rover Defender but let me not get side tracked. The bakkie market has been dominated by the Hilux for as long as dogs have pee'd on fire hydrants but this has finally been challenged by the arrival of the VW Amarok. If you have sworn buy Toyota with as much spit and vehemence as most Hilux supporters have been doing for the bulk of human history you have two options when faced with the awesome new-comer; either ladle scorn and hatred onto the new German and all who dare drive one or pretend you never drove anything Japanese in all your life and quietly cross the floor. Having parted with massive amounts of cash for your new Amarok and finding yourself the subject of much abuse from Hilux drivers you will find the only way to maintain a stable and coherent psychology is to ladle scorn and hatred with much spit and vehemence onto the outdated old Jap.

The New Ford Ranger, I'm holding my breath!

With these two options being all the rational bakkie owner has to choose from (aside from waiting for the new Ford Ranger which will thrash them both) you will understand my consternation when I was confronted by a tragically confused bakkie owner in the Pavilion last week. The poor man had chosen to wear his keys on a lanyard around his neck for all the world to see. This was no accident, he had a message to communicate to all the motoring public. The lanyard was bright and new. It was boldly adorned with the words "Amarok" and "VW". And the keys hanging from this attention grabbing accessory?... Unmistakably, Hilux.

Really, what are people thinking!?

Until next week!