My first baby steps in 'Pastoring'

A friend of mine asked if, now that I'm a pastor full time, I just sit around getting revelation all day and then get up and give announcements and the occasional preach. That sounds like a pretty sweet deal actually, I wish it were the case!

The thing about serving and leading people is that...it involves people.

People are complicated

Their struggles are complicated

Their cultures and backgrounds are complicated

Their understanding of God and their experiences is complicated

And when they ask another complicated person if it all makes sense ...

The result is not going to be a surprise to many!

There is a couple in our church who are living together but are desperate to get married. They believe whole-heartedly that the state of marriage is to be desired and is blessed and commanded by God, and that living together outside of marriage is not and is disobedient. 

Simple solution right? Just get married. 

Unfortunately not. 

Her family wants them to go through a lengthy negotiation process and then receive a huge Lobolla payment before they will agree to the match. And here we sit smack bang in the center of a collision of two cultures. 

A western, capitalist, Christian, individualistic, self-determining, Frank Sinatra singing culture where everyone wants to do it ‘their way’, 

meets an African, rural, ancestral, tribal, family authority respecting, Ubuntu singing culture where the way it has always been done is the only way it shall be done. 

This is when being a pastor gets even more exciting than my old job, even if, as part of that job, I found myself on mountain tops during hail storms or looking after hundreds of young boys with wet shoes in a snow storm and trying to teach things like integrity to the lady Gaga generation!

So a few of us were privileged to go along to the traditional negotiation and it was amazing. I felt as out of place as an ultimate Frisbee player in a cage fight. 

I was once again reminded of how ridiculous it is to try to preach or give advice into contexts without humbling yourself enough to get involved and understand things from within that culture. 

We really thought we were going along to explain the church’s position on the sanctity of marriage and why these two people wanted to do it and honour God not dishonour their family. 

Quick chat, 

all agree, 

pray for the sick, 

see a healing or two, 

have some good chisa nyama and hopefully some Zulu beer 

and be out of there in time for some 4x4ing on the way home… 

Man but was I missing the point completely! 

We get annoyed when Americans and Englishers arrive in our country on their white horses to save us from ourselves, receive our thanks and assuage their first world guilt before hopping on the plane home and yet here I was doing the same!

I’d love to say that four hours later, after loads of wonderful food, some beautiful ceremonial traditions and incredible hospitality, I left with a new-found love and understanding of the Lobolla tradition, and partly that would be true, but unfortunately that we be leaving out the massive social, economic, spiritual and traditional problems that Lobolla, in its current form, carries with it. With humility and deep respect for the original intentions of Lobolla, let me outline the problems as I see them;

• What was originally intended to make marriage seem more valuable is now making marriage seem almost unattainable and, therefore, irrelevant. We know this leads to less family stability as children are born into situations where no real commitment has been made.

• What was originally intended to make the woman seem like a treasure of incredible value, who is worth sacrificing for, now makes her seem like an object which can be valued, bargained over and owned once the price has been met. While this is not always the case, I would argue that the wife’s position is often undermined when the husband feels she isn’t giving him what he ‘paid for’.

• What originally brought families together now pits them against each-other in a battle of greed. An offering of money as a way to say, 

‘though I could never repay you for the incredible sacrifices you made in raising your daughter and preparing her to join my family, here is a token of my eternal gratitude’  

is an amazing thing and, I believe, was how Lobolla started. However, I watched a mother who had had nothing to do with her daughter for the majority of her life, leaving her to be raised by granny, suddenly change her mind during negotiations and become hostile arguing for more and more money and refusing the suggestion that it be paid off after the wedding, instead demanding it all up front or the deal was off. Her greed was an obstruction to the wedding her own daughter desired and felt, before God, that she needed to have with the man she loves. Other members of the family were spurred on just as an agreement had seemed possible and this convinced me that the best interests of their daughter and sister had long since stopped being the deciding factor. The suspicion and mistrust as both parties were signing for how much money had changed hands after counting and re-counting, and the arguments over whether this money counted as part of the eventual dowry or as simply a price for introduction couldn’t have been more at odds with the picture of two families coming together with rejoicing.

• Finally, the massive financial hit that young couples must take, in order to line their parent’s pockets, at a time when they should be getting up and running, trying to save or even getting into the property market, seems incredibly unfair. I think how Burn and I have struggled to get going even without a massive outlay like that and I can understand why many would laugh marriage off altogether, what a pity!

I am very much aware that I have only witnessed one couple’s journey and that many instances of Lobolla are far less fraught with tension than this one. 

I can also hear, already, the cry that it makes no sense to judge one culture simply by comparing it to another. 

There is certainly much that the Zulu culture can teach us about respect for elders and valuing the investment our community puts in to us instead of blazing off on our selfish ‘my way or the high way’ endeavours, 

but there is also a command of God which supersedes culture; 

'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' 

the two becoming one flesh bit happens best within marriage which is God’s design for happy, fruitful, lasting relations between men and women and which serves as an incredible picture of the intimacy he longs for with his bride, the church. 

Anything that gets in the way of this happening needs a lot of defending and I’m not sure Lobolla , as currently practiced in Zulu culture, has many legs to stand on.

Paul

I now pronounce you husband and wife!

So one Thursday evening in Autumn, in the 2012th year of our Lord, it came to pass that one Paul Taylor, his good brother Mick, and his beautiful fiance Burnette loaded up his Land Rover with supplies, sound equipment, flowers and any amount of other wedding paraphernalia and went off to get married in the mountain village of Clarens.

The beautiful road to Clarens

Arrival at Berlin Farm

Berlin's Farm house, where the whole romance began

We arrived back at the beautiful farm, called Berlin, where, almost three years to the day earlier, we had confirmed what many letters, sms's, phone calls and facebook stalks had got us hoping for. This was the farm where, in the April of 2009, we went for our first walks in the woods, lay under starry skies, ran our first little impromptu Easter service and fell wonderfully, awkwardly, irrationally and unstoppably in love. Now in April of 2012 we were meeting up with the two families who didn't know each-other back then, gathering two groups of friends who three years ago had never met and planning a wedding that three years ago seemed an incredibly long and unlikely distance away.

The following day we moved the operation to st Fort where the reception would be held and preparations moved into full swing. The morning of the wedding dawned unbelievably beautiful after rainy, stormy days prior and I went off for a hike with our mates while Burn was being beautified. The hike to mushroom rock is only an hour or so and it is unbelievably picturesque, a perfect way to hang out with friends and keep my mind off the terradactil starting to flap its wings in my stomach!

The picturesque hike up to Mushroom rock

The path winds up through caverns behind enormous rocks

And ends with stunning views of St Fort

Mushroom rock

It was then time to suit up and make our way to the church in town.

The stone church in Clarens

I now pronounce you husband and wife!

Nothing can prepare you for the emotion of the day

Or the photos!

Backstreet's back oh yeah! What a team I had!

Our dream of a country wedding really came true

Facial expressions were all over the place after the photos

The sky lanterns on a crisp night were a beautiful end to the reception and we don't think any fires were started.

After all the excitement and buzz of the wedding the honeymoon was an incredible relief. We had pulled off our dream wedding and now we were off on an adventure just the two of us. The wide open spaces of Lesotho were absolute balm for the under-lying stress we'd carried and as the landy powered us further and further from familiarity and civilisation we felt more and more relaxed.

Lesotho, a land without fences

  The weather station at Malealea was particularly impressive

We made our way through mountainous terrain untill we needed to drop the tire pressure because the road was too rough for comfort. Not long after that we reached the 'Gates of Paradise' pass and headed into the Malealea valley. Malealea lodge is an excellent place to base yourself in Lesotho and the staff were so excited to have a honeymooning couple choose their establishment that they made a big fuss of us, champagne on ice was waiting in our room and we felt really special. We can't recommend them highly enough and a week would not be too long a time to spend there, with hikes, pony trekking, cultural exploration, 4x4 routes worth exploring and lots of space to chill out and read a book on the beautiful premesis, we will be going back for sure! 

Exploring the mountains

This waterfal isn't too far from Malealea and well worth a trip

Climbing back out of the waterfall valley, low range was necessary.

The road out of Malealea towards 'gates of paradise pass'

"Wayfarer pause and look upon a gateway of paradise"

Lesotho is a series of incredible vistas all competing to take your breath away 

Unfortunately we had to leave Malealea eventually but we were excited to drive through beautiful scenery and head down to the Wild Coast, little did we know we were in for an epic day that, while adventurous and achingly beautiful, was perhaps not what restful honeymoons normally include.

Lundin's nek pass

The storm hit as we crested the Drakensberg

Early on in the drive out of Lesotho Burn's passenger window dropped of it's mechanism inside the door. This had happened before and usually enough toggling of the switch would get the window back on its gearing. This time, however, the electric motor stopped responding all together so there was no way to get the window up. Try as we might, we opened up the door panel and struggled away with wire fashioned into a hook, we couldn't get the window pane back up. We had to rig up a cover out of a towel and later a waterproof duffel bag to protect Burn from the storm that we ran into as we drove over the Drakensburg via Lundin's Nek. Aside from this things were going smoothly but we expected to make good time once we were on public roads in S.A. this was not the case. We crawled through endless amazing valleys along the border with Lesotho on an off-road track that then snaked up into an impossible looking pass. 40 k's took us all afternoon and we still had to drive all the way through the Transkei and down into the Wild Coast, the mood changed somewhat as massive rain storms cleared just in time for a beautiful sunset but as night rolled in we were aware of just how far we still had to go on roads littered with dodgy vehicles, pedestrians and animals before we even got to the next dirt road sections. We gritted our teeth. After hours of stressful driving and navigating we pulled into Mazeppa Bay hotel's parking with an exhausted sigh, well after nine o'clock. We wolfed down the dinner they had kindly left for us in our room and deflated into bed.

Our make-shift repair hampered passenger visibility somewhat

Starting the repairs after a well earned rest

No water to drink or grass to eat but Transkei Cows don't care.

Mazeppa Bay Hotel

We were greeted the following morning by beautiful views, gentle sunlight and the sound of waves crashing nearby. The idyllic setting of this second phase to our holiday made the odyssey of the day before a quickly down-sized anecdote rather than a harrowing tale and we settled in to rest all over again. The Wild Coast is like nowhere else and it captured our immaginations completely. We walked and drove our surrounding areas in Mazeppa, then went off to Kei Mouth to make the pilgrimage across the ferry. We joined 'Trevor's trails' from Trennery's Hotel and had a wonderful walk and boat ride up the Qolora River to the 'Gates' waterfall. We found secret beaches and ate good food before eventually packing for home.

In reality, this wouldn't be the best way to transport your bride

While I did leave my bike at home there was always going to be some frizbee action, honeymoon or not!

Trevor's trails start from Trennerys Hotel

Boating up the beautiful Qolora river 

The Gates

The waterfall at The Gates

Hiking back from The Gates waterfall

The car ferry at Kei Mouth

Floating the Landy across the Great Kei River

The beach south of Mazeppa

I'm hooked and desperate to get back down there again. I'm busy planning a rough and tough trip from Kei Mouth back up to Port st Johns via a mixture of the Wild Coast Eco Trail from Tracks 4 Africa and the 4x4 routes marked on Slingsby's map when the Eco Trail gets lame. It would idealy be in the first week of December and will involve some serious river crossings and Mud-plugging - Camel Trophy style. Who's in?

Cheers for now

Paul

Everything has changed! But it is all still the same.

In a few weeks it will be a year since my last post! A year!

So what has happened in that time? A massive amount of change, that's what. Let me catch you up;

I sold the fiesta and bought the Landie!
I got engaged to Burn!
I married Burn and we went off on an adventure in our Landie!
I left Spirit of Adventure and become a pastor at Olive Tree Church, can you believe it?
I started blogging again:)

Or in pictures:

The look of pride is real

Just after she said yes, the look of relief is real

The look of joy is real!

The blond hair doesn't look real, but hopefully this whole picture isn't!

That's it really, I'll be giving you the run down on our amazing honeymoon adventure soon and some of the pastoring adventures too.

Over and out!

Paul

WHY I LOVE HOME AFFAIRS, AND OTHER MUSINGS

Hello again.

Sorry for the lack of love over the last two months.

A few highlights:
Running a course for about 200 DHS boys late in July which suddenly became very intense when heavy snow fell and teams had to be evacuated and sheltered while we waited for it to pass and for roads to clear. It was very cold, very beautiful, fairly stressful but ultimately successful!



There was loads more snow than this when we were there. Loads!

Visiting Burnette in Capetown.
- We went rock climbing in Kleinmond, which is an epic-ly beautiful spot overlooking the wild ocean and river mouth from craggy, sun-drenched cliffs;
- Whale watching in Hermanus, where we saw plenty of close-up whale action;
- Riding into the sunset along the mountainous coast from Hermanus towards Capetown with crisp air, wine farms, incredible colours in the sky and on the sea, my new (HOT!) Sidi shoes and a nippy tailwind for company...heaven!

-Climbed Table Mountain from the back and hiked around on top of it all day;
-Had romantic dinner with another couple, friends of ours who are getting married in December, at an awesome restaurant complete with a tenor singing acapella in the background! and we had some fabulous 'us' time which you don't need to know about. Haha

Selecting next year's instructor team
This wasn't all nice but it has been a serious process. For this massive fight we had, in the blue corner, with much to lose and everything to gain, the 20 or so applicants who were very keen to work for us and all are very nice people but in the red corner, weighing in at a hefty 17 years in the industry, we had Spirit of Adventure with its high standards and limited places. Trying to referee and score the fight while simultaneously being in Spirit of Adventure's corner was me, armed with all the insight into people I could muster, some psychological knowledge and experience of many successful and less successful teams down the years and SoA's best interests at heart but compromised by my sympathy for all of them and the memory of how badly I wanted it back in 2003, how flawed I was when chosen and how amazing the experience was for me. Add to that my usual dose of ridiculous optimism which requires constant controlling and you can see why this has been a tough process. However I think we have a great team for next year. Phoning people to say no really blows though.

My 2004 Instructor family after our first sky dive all feeling hard core!

And many other highlights which would be less exciting to read about: Like running training workshops for Northwood prefects, Glenwood teachers and the company responsible for sorting out that wrecked ship off Salt Rock Beach. I'm also getting closer to understanding the different motivations men and woman have to lead and the subtle differences in the way they do it.

But what about Home Affairs?

I have recently engaged in the process of getting my lost I.D. book replaced by The Department of Home Affairs. From my previous experiences I was looking forward to it about as much as Zuma is looking forward to being welcomed home from Norway by the ANCYL....


But the experience is awesome!

You arrive and are immediately issued a ticket with a number on it. You soon realise that, with a smart piece of European-style technology, called 'q-matic' or something, they have completely revolutionised the experience. You no longer need to polish the hard rows of benches with your bum as you slide ever closer to the nasty little window, manned intermittently by an uninterested automaton of a human being tapping away with one finger at a manky keyboard. Instead you recline in comfortable seating, with arm rests to ensure the different cultural perceptions of adequate body space are not exposed, and watch the screen. This screen tells you which counter is seeing which ticket currently and it is accompanied by a Telkom-esque voice giving you the same information. It is best to relax and not to pay too much attention to which number is called when. Just when it seems to make a little sense the pattern changes and you soon realise that the number you were issued had nothing at all to do with the order in which you arrived. This would be frustrating if it weren't for the fact that the system has taken the ques away and made your life much more comfortable.

There is also much entertainment to be found if you look around. Firstly there are the people who skip the info desk and que for ages before realising that, without a ticket, they don't actually exist. There are others who have taken tickets but haven't worked out the implications. Watching them asking around to find the que they should be in when everyone seems to be sitting haphazardly is great fun, especially because these are usually people with that very special sense of style found only on the bluff. Then there's the constant sense of excitement that, at any minute, your number could be called and you will be able to rush up to claim your prised moment with automaton who now has a human-kindness-inspiring counter to sit behind instead of a window with a gun slit. This excitement makes it almost impossible to remember your ticket number so you see everyone checking and re-checking there slip like a poker player holding out for a straight flush. And finally, there are the signs over the doors and counters. Only at home affairs can you have hundreds of people sitting around with babies crying and the Telkom lady constantly calling out the lotto numbers from a speaker directly above a door saying, "Quiet. No entry. Marriage in process." Another door had the incredible title; Birth, Marriage, Death Supervisor. Can you imagine what must happen in that office!? I thought you could do at least two of those things without supervision but it seems not. What kind of qualifications would you need to head that office? It boggles the mind.

Eventually you hear your number. You shout Bingo! and run to the counter before they role on to the next. Once you are there you find that your fingerprint is on the digital system and you simply need to have it scanned by the futuristic little red light shining gizmo they have at each counter to prove who you are, no documentation required! Having spoken with the friendly person, across their friendly counter, I parted with my cash and went home. Some time later I went to check how it was going. After a similar process I scanned in and was told the exact stage in the process my new I.D. book was at and how long to expect. Then, a few weeks later, I received an sms telling me it was ready. I went down and, after doing the whole dance again, I signed for it. Job done. It all seems pretty reliable and organised, I've been really impressed.

My good mood when I picked it up yesterday and decided to write about it today may have been influenced by the fact that I have just bought the tickets for Kenya! Yes, a couple of us are heading off to Kenya, via Tanzania, in December to have an adventure and climb mount Kenya! I can't wait! If you're keen to join me, let me know, we'll be traveling from the 11th till the 23rd of December and it's going to be awesome!

I've also found my Landy! She's a beauty so as soon as my beloved Fiesta is sold I'll be rocking out in my personal example of the best 4x4xfar. Land Rover forever! . . . provided it is regularly serviced :)

It will be inspired by these legendary camels.

But it will be this colour and almost as hard core.

Until Next Time

Paul

P.S. If anyone is looking for a 2004 Ford Fiesta 1.6 in mint condition with airbags, aircon, ABS, electric windows, CD Player, mags central locking etc. etc. for R65 000 let me know. The sooner it goes the sooner I can start going on crazy adventures and telling you all about them!